So I am not surprised that I went crazy on him yesterday… I was too drunk to care about what I had to say. I hate that I’ve become this crazy person and I feel like I should just delete him. I feel like I love him so much it hurts me. I love him so much that I fear losing him and at the same time I wish he could just block me from everything because it would be much more pain for me to just be in his life and trying to figure out if we will ever be something. I guess I could say that’s he’s the best I’ve had (so far).. Which also makes me think that I haven’t had many good ones or any good ones at all? I mean the only real boyfriends I’ve had, turned out to be cheaters and liars. I guess that because I was in the system I am prone to end up with the stupid ones! Every time I see him I just want to run to him and kiss him… I know that my feelings are WRONG… but how can I tell if it feels so right? I mean I’ve never really tried to be with someone so much! It’s insane, I know, but I’m not sure I want to let him go. I keep hoping that maybe one day he'll wake up one morning and feel the same way I feel. Why do I have to feel so deeply? I literally wish I could rip my heart out like the evil queen from once upon a time and hide it somewhere where no one will find it. But even then if I do that it would suck because if I rip my heart out I wouldn’t feel the way I feel about my sisters and I don’t want to become a heartless bitch. I feel very complicated and emotional and I’m not even a Cancer…. BTW he’s a cancer. Omg I cannot tell you how difficult he is.
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